Core Belief Profile 2
The Helper Elephant
Core Belief Profile 2
The Helper Elephant
Core Belief Profile 2
The Helper Elephant
Role Description
The Helper has a strong need to be perceived as a loving person, and so their focus of attention goes to meeting the needs and desires of other people.
They are constantly thinking ‘Will I be liked?’ Since they focus on achieving a ‘Yes’ answer, they will seek to develop a deep emotional connection to satisfy their needs for love and affection. They focus on the approval of others by meeting their needs and becoming indispensable to them.
They are adept at manoeuvring other people into liking them. They live with an assumption that almost anyone or anything can become available to them with the right approach or the proper amount of subtly applied special attention.
They suppress their own desires to focus on the needs of others. Their own needs become subordinated to the needs of others. They seek to earn the respect that they crave.
To the Helper, other people appear very needy and the Helper takes a great deal of pride in meeting the needs of others. When a Helper walks into a room, they tend to subconsciously think, ‘These poor people! I wish I had time to give everyone my attention.
They look troubled – they need my help!’ By approaching people from a position of being the loving person who gives their concern and service to others, Helpers have a sense of being ‘better than’ others.
They will be especially attracted to either inspiring/powerful people (all the better to meet their personal needs), or to those in obvious need (so their own ‘value’ is more obvious).
The needs and wants of others, especially of the people they care about and would like to have care about them.
Relationships.
The moment-to-moment feelings and emotions of others.
Disappointing others.
Feeling rejected or unappreciated.
Dependence on others.
Sensing the emotional needs of others and doing what pleases them.
Feeling good about being able to meet others’ needs so well.
Creating good feelings in others.
Maintaining others’ acceptance and approval.
Romantic attachment.
Personal support allows them to relax and be more open to learning.
Since there is a fear of appearing foolish, may be hesitant to take initial risks.
May need extensive preparation and/or partnership in trying new things.
Important to feel personal rapport with the instructor / manager and it is important that the instructor / manager treats people in a caring way.
Clarity of content or retention of material may suffer from overemphasis on relating.
Capacity to adapt to new environments and new people supports the learning process.
Do provide a great deal of personal contact – face to face is best.
Do be generous with your praise, approval and affection. They crave genuine admiration for their people skills and what they perceive as their own generosity.
Do tell them your own real needs in a matter-of-fact way. Helpers respond well to need as their need is to help others.
Do let them meet your needs as far as you feel comfortable. They will not expect you to return the favour, since their focus is on your needs.
Do be personal in your interactions with them, letting them know their personal effort is important to you.
Do understand that they want to be the central figure in their life. They want to feel that they do not need you, but you need them.
Do learn to recognise their manipulative techniques, complaints and use of guilt.
Do encourage the Helper to be authentic.
Do realise that Helpers like relationships with problems.
Pride
Flattery
Don’t embarrass them as they dread humiliation.
Don’t try to bully or lead a Helper (tell them what to do) , as they will become vindictive.
Don’t try to reduce their socialising. That is how they energise themselves and get their work done.
Don’t be surprised when the Helper takes a flight for freedom as they start to feel sold out by their habit of pleasing others.
Allow people to, sometimes, solve their own problems. Be aware of your tendency to rescue others.
Appreciate that everyone else is not going to focus on meeting your needs. So have the courage to ask for what you want.
Learn to deal straight without manipulating.
Take time to find out your own feelings, interests and desires.
Learn to accept praise without discounting it.
